I often think of Proverbs 31 as the epitome of womanhood. Sometimes I flip back to it and look at it as a list, seeing which quality I need to work towards. But before I try my delighted hand at beltmaking, what does the rest of the book of Proverbs say about women? I've heard the phrase "Proverbs 31 woman," but what about a woman Proverbs 1-thru-30?
Here's what I found.
Besides the high honor of wisdom herself being personified as a female, Proverbs has plenty more for womankind to strive for. While there's loads of practical gender-neutral wisdom, many verses stick out as specifically for women.
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11:6 "A gracious woman attains honor and ruthless men attain riches."
Gracious: courteous, kind, and pleasant; showing divine grace.
I think of queenly ediquette and graceful manners. A beautiful humility goes with it too, since graciousness is a character quality. It's not regarding a high position as something to be grasped. Really, graciousness is being Christlike, showing grace as He has to us. When I think of a modern day picture of a gracious woman, she's someone whose disposition never lets complaints come from her mouth, who takes baby-spit-up in stride, and doesn't fret over her own appearance as long as she's reflecting Christ in her character.
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There's plenty said in the Proverbs about a non-Christlike womanly character, namely the contentious woman. 21:9 and 25:24 use the same words, "It is better to live in a corner of the roof than a house shared with a conentious woman." 21:19 goes further, "It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman."
19:13 "A foolish son is destruction to his father, and the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping."
27:15-16 "A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike; he who would restrain her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand."
Contentious: exhibiting an often perverse and wearisome tendency to quarrels.
Have you ever examined a waterfall? Where the water runs over the edge, the riverbed is completely smooth. The constant flow of water has eroded away the rocks and dirt. A constant drip in steady rain would be much the same. Now take that eroding image and put it back in the metaphor of a contentious woman and her relationships, making her roommates or husband prefer the corner of a roof or the desert to her company! 14:1, "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands." Partly because I help with construction and home improvement projects all day and partly because I love wisdom, this verse is one of my favorites.
It's fine to have firm convictions and even Jesus and Paul got into debates, but if quarrels are your wearisome tendency, woman of God, you're tearing down your house and that's not wisdom. Rather, take on humility and Christlike wisdom and build it up!
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Continuing on with the non-Christlike womanly character is the boisterous woman of folly.
9:13, "The woman of folly is boisterous, she is naive and knows nothing." 7:11, "She is boisterous and rebellious, her feet do not remain at home."
Sometimes there's words in the Bible that are familiar or context clues help me understand, but I actually don't know the meaning of them. Boisterous was one of those. I can tell it's bad, but the dictionary gives a much deeper definition. Boisterous: noisy, energetic, and cheerful; rowdy.
At first glance I wondered what was so bad about that? It's similar to a kid. Cheerful is a good thing; noisy and energetic are tolerable; and rowdy is trainable. A mature Christian woman, though, is not boisterious, is she? Childish things are done away. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit in her life. Cheerful joy exists in her without rowdiness. Also, folly and naivity do not reflect the wisdom of God; and rebellion does not reflect the humble obedience of Christ to the Father to death. The "...her feet do not remain at home..." verse is actually referring to the adulterous woman, so boisterousness and that conduct seem to go hand in hand. Yikes!
Woman of God, maturity looks like the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For me, caffeine and being around people I love fires me up and also my bosses praise sassyness, but I need to yield to God and wisely stay gentle, quiet, and precious.
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Proverbs repeatedly warns "the son" against the adulterous woman. I second it, and warn you, daughter, against being her. This gross lifestyle steals from God (23:27-28), kills the conscience, and destroys men (6:32).
30:20 reveals her thoughts, "This is the way of an adulterous woman, she eats and wipes her mouth, and says, 'I have done no wrong.' " She has seared her conscience so much that she doesn't even care anymore. How scary this is! It's the grace of God to grant us consciences and His Spirit, to bring us into sanctification and load our hearts with care for holiness. In every kind of sin I want a raw conscience. Unseared. Seeing where my steps are leading, pondering, and choosing God's way of life.
5:16, "She does not ponder the path of life; her ways are unstable, she does not know it."
2:17, "That leaves the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God;"
Christ is my foundation for stability that I never want to ignore. It's His kindness to convict us of our sin. Woman of God, never ignore. Never forget.
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So there's three examples of who not to be. What kind of woman should we be then? A pure and faithful woman. She is a glorious blessing and cause for rejoicing! (5:18-19)
Proverbs 31 says an excellent wife is hard to find, but I believe Christ's work in us will increase those ranks, growing in us an excellent character that fans out into our actions.
12:4 shows how beautiful an excellent wife is, "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones." On the negative second section, the positive opposite must be true: she who honors him is health and life in his core. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life and 18:22 says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord."
As a single woman looking forward to my possible future, I'm awestruck that the Lord will use me as a forerunner of His favor in my feller's life.
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Going through Proverbs this past week studying for this was super cool. I've caught myself having contentious thoughts and chose to build instead of tear down. And, remembering the boisterous woman, I've chosen to quickly settle down from being rowdy. I want this daily pursuit of wisdom and Christlikeness to be lifelong, unto eternity's dawning.
